Long time no see..
July 19, 2008
It has been a while since I have written in here. It’s kind of hard because of the chaos going around and people resigning from deafread. I will probably be one of those few ones who will stay, read, and listen. I have been reading up on all of the blogs/vlogs related to the situation, but I’m not going to talk about it since it has been mentioned so many times.
I want to bring up something that’s completely different from the situation that is going on around on deafread. I have been thinking about this for a while, but I’d like to hear some of your opinions on this.
A friend and I were talking the other day about the differences between hearing people and deaf people’s opinions on affection. For example, with our hearing friends, when we greet each other in public, it usually is a hug and a kiss on the cheek (depending on the strength of the friendship.) But with our deaf friends, we can’t do that because we would be looked at as lesbians. I say this because of experience. I went to a hearing school so I’m used to hugging and kissing on other people’s cheeks, but when I went to college, I became more immersed into the deaf world. So I “continued” the hugging and kissing on the cheek with my close friends, but then I started hearing rumors about me being a lesbian because I hug and kiss girls on the cheek. I do the same thing to my guy friends, but people primarily picks on me because I do the same with girls. The recent spring, I took a class called “Deaf Culture in America” and I learned that deaf people tend to be closeknit because they value their culture and such. And deaf people have to touch each other to get each other’s attention; so deaf people do rely on touching because they cannot hear. I don’t understand why some deaf people cannot view the hugging in the same way as touching someone else to get attention? It is in the same form: touching.
I also get annoyed about the fact how deaf people tend to pick on me about me and my best friend. They think that we hang out too much and all that. But it’s not true: we do have our own schedules. They probably say that kind of thing because we’re also roommates. But, really, why do deaf people do this? The hearing people view me and my best friend as..best friends. nothing more. And they’re cool with that. But not deaf people. We also have the same group of friends; which is probably why people assume that we hang out too much, but..ahh, it just bothers me!
Please leave comments with your opinions, if you can. I’d appreciate if the comments could be clean. And if you need to be negative in a way, say it in a nice tone so it won’t cause problems or anything.
Thanks for reading!
I think deaf people see touch quite as a signal thing to attract someone’s attention. Kissing/hugging seems ‘intimiate’ and goes beyond attracting attention status, this then becomes ’space invasion’ and crossing the line to some.
Deaf people understand a tap on the shoulder, or back, arm, or even stamping on the floor or blowing to create a draft is acceptable, but they do tend to view kissing as unacceptable even ’sexual’ which it is (in context).
It depends what the ‘culture’ of the group is… if they all tended to hug and kiss on meeting it would be OK, but if not, then they may view it adversely.
Deaf people do seem rather nervous of the ‘gender’ issues anyway, and are probably the last ‘grouping’ to view it with considerable aversion as a result, mostly it is ignorance,like in the old days when you kissed a boy, it meant you got pregnant and had to marry
When in Rome……. seems the ideal approach. Here in the UK we don’t seem to mind it much, being a small community, we generally know the differences. Larger communities where lots of strangers are about, or at a college or Uni, then background plays a part in what seems acceptable and what isn’t.
deaf do hugging each other in public openly. kissing we dont do that often… reserved for close relationship. I only kiss my favorite lady and family little kids (nieces/nephews) but not everyone else. I never called gay because of kissing.
MM – Thank you for your comment and maybe it is because of the large population. Thanks again for your comment.
H – I do see deaf people hug often, but do kiss close friends’ cheeks. That’s what I am saying, but deaf people find it “not acceptable,” I guess. And in a way, you are lucky that you were never called gay for kissing in public. It probably doesn’t happen to everybody, but unfortunately, it did to me and some people I know. Thank you for your comment. =)
Ignore what they think. Just being true yourself! That’s who you are as friendly and affectionate person
Not only Deaf people.
Some men do not like to hug from another man. You know some Italian and Spanish men usually hug and kiss in the cheek each other as affectionate as friendship.
I do not like hugs men. Some men had to hug me unexpected as I had to humor them. I don’t judge them. That’s their culture thing.
Cheers
Charles B. Downing – The Rogue
Interesting
It’s just a new lifestyle in America for deaf?
Nevertheless, it’s a great post!
I don’t know which part of USA you are living in, but I never heard anything like that. I am sorry that you are exposed to narrow-minded people.
However you shouldn’t assume that just because a small number of certain people react, it means the rest of the community would share the same reaction.
Maybe you are too over-sensitive to their harmless bantering. Some people think it is OK to make fun of little things that means nothing, just to press your buttons.
Different strokes… you just don’t share the same sense of humor as those who sneers your intimate acts… what can you do? Find a new crowd. Or move to a more liberal state like California.
Hummmm….. Intersting what you saying those two type with Hearing people and Deaf people.
Yep The way of life is Deaf Lifestyle to compare with hearing people ha! There are many many different way what they doing in the world in culture of habit.
Davy
Deaf culture is like a big bucket of crabs. They’re close to each other. When one tries to escape, the others tries to pull it down. Same thing with gender paranoia. when a pair of guys or gals kiss each other, it opens the can of insanity and everybody thinks they’re either gay or lesbian.
I kiss my cousins on the cheeks because this the European style. American perceptive, idolizing the handshake, is twisted, cowardly, and offers no synergism.
Gnarlydorkette – I am actually in New York, attending RIT. And I know it does not apply to every deaf person, of course. It’s just that in my current experience, it’s almost everybody I meet assume the same. It just sucks, yeah, I know. But thanks for your comment.
Davy – yeah, it’s interesting how we can compare cultures.
Anonymous – thank you for your comment. I liked your analogy. Other countries tend to be way more open-minded than America. It’s unfortunate.
Karen – Can we say deja vu?! Lol. This is actually occurring at RIT. But thank you for your comment. It kind of bothers me how rumors are the “norms” among deaf people. I understand some people have enough strength to ignore. I did in the beginning, but right now, I feel like my threshold’s weakening. What did you do after realizing? Did you continue to ignore them or did you speak back to some of those deaf people who viewed you as lesbians?